Drifting Apart?

I’m glad to welcome another guest blogger on TinyExpats! This post is written by the author of A Momma’s View about an issue many expats can relate to – is our home country still our home?

We will celebrate living in Australia for 10 years soon. It’s been a while since we left Switzerland and our families and friends behind and headed all the way Down Under. In those 10 years we’ve only been back twice.

Going back is just not that easy. I am not speaking about the hours and hours in the plane. I don’t mind that really. It’s everything else. I don’t miss Switzerland or my life prior to our move at all. I know that might sound weird to you, but it’s the truth. I admit there are things I miss or memories I cherish but I don’t feel like I need to go back. Although I still love my friends over there and of course my parents and miss seeing them too, I kind of moved on.

It is something that is really difficult to explain and some people might shake their heads in disbelieve. How can I be so cold? I don’t think I am. For me the most important people in my life are right here with me. My life happens here, our life does. Yes, I moved on. And the last time I’ve been back I had the impression that everyone else moved on. Things are not the same anymore as they were before the move and they will never be the same anymore.

It is great to still be friends with the people who are so important to me. It is beautiful to be in touch with them and to listen to what they have to tell. Listen to what is going on and tell them all about my life too. But we are all different than back then. We are older and we kept taking shape, being shaped by our lives.

I see others who try to fly back to their ‘motherland’ on a regular base and I always wonder what good this actually does. In a way you try to hang onto something that will no longer be there, something that you can’t get back, as much as you try to.

This might sound a bit harsh now, but I really don’t feel like doing this trip on a more regular base. The trip is long and hard and the time difference is huge. But that is not it. It’s more about what happens while we are there. Everyone wants a piece of you and what is meant to be a nice trip and a vacation is turning into hard work, as you try to squeeze in as many people as possible and eventually you end up being totally exhausted.

For the kids it is kind of fun. It is still kind of fun but also for them it is exhausting. Suddenly there are people they are not really familiar with, who want to see them, talk to them, hug them, take pictures and so on. They get dragged around in order to see everyone and … ufff… only by writing this, I feel out of breath.

Now this might sound very selfish. But I prefer heading somewhere else with my family, spend the time together and have a real adventure. As much as I love all those people back home (every single one of them) I prefer my life here, our routine, our way and our pace.

Maybe it is like two people who are far away from each other. Maybe it is like drifting apart. We are drifting apart, me and Switzerland, me and my life before our move. I feel like we are drifting apart. Further and further. And it does not feel bad. I don’t mind it. I know that I am also kind of drifting apart with my family back in Switzerland and my friends. And that is a different story. I do mind that. But there is not much I can do about it.

Life leads you in one direction. I like the direction my life has taken me so far and therefor I will not fight it. It is a very difficult feeling to explain, something that many of you might not understand at all. And I understand that.

As I said, I cherish the memories, the great life I’ve had over there. The beautiful friends and the great parents I have. But I also love my life here, my family, my friends here.

I guess it is something you experience only if you live your country, if you move away and build a new life, with a new routine, in a new country and with new people around you. It is something that happens to you, when you know that you will not return anymore or at least not as soon. But most of all, it is something that happens to you when you move to a place you know you belong.

I am a woman in her early 40’s, an expat or immigrant, a mom with two great home-schooled kids. And I have my opinions on Love, Family, Children and Homeschooling, being an Expat and Life in general. And I share my view. But of course it’s only my view. A Momma’s View: http://amommasview.wordpress.com

8 comments

  1. It’s hard to find and be in a place where you finally feel that you belong and I’m really heartened to know that A Momma’s View have found that. Like her, I don’t feel the affinity to my homeland after being away for so long and a visiting is just fine with me. Sometimes, I feel like a fraud!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What about if you return to your ‘home’land and realise your loyalties lie within a completely different ‘home’? I’m interested in the idea you have raised about what IS a home. I still love that line – it is wherever I lay my hat. Thanks to both you and amomma’sview for your discussion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a good point. In my case, I already don’t feel at home in my childhood home town, but I still haven’t found a new place I could call home. A bit unsettling.

      Like

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